The Journey of Heartache, Faith, and Hope
It’s been so long since I’ve written a post. Forgive me if my writing is a little rusty. There’s just something about spelling your feelings out on a blank page. I’ve missed it. Things have been a whirlwind for some time now.
I’ve learned life can’t always be planned, comfortable, and organized. Life can sometimes be unfair and just plain hard. Erik and I have been “sitting on the fence
” about sharing a burden that’s tugged on our hearts for so long. God has been chiseling away and we’re ready to open up in hopes you will pray for us. Let this be a reminder: everyone
is facing their own unique journey and battles. There’s so much more to life than what you see on one another’s status updates and picture perfect moments.
Jesus said, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” Galatians 6:2
I remember when Erik and I decided we were ready for our own family. We had enjoyed 4 years of adventures, traveling, sweet memories, and marriage. It was such a milestone for us; feeling the eagerness to be parents together. We prayed heavily about the decision and knew it was our time. I was ready to be called mom
and see Erik as a dad!
Everything I do, I do 110%. This would be no different. I researched and read on average it takes 3-6 months for most couples to get a positive sign. With my Type A personality, I began tracking everything
. 3 months passed, no big deal. 6 months later, life was busy, we were traveling so often with Erik’s show schedule. A year crept by of logging symptoms on an app, counting down the days, living “the two week wait
” over and over and over again. My heart began to get so weary and discouraged. After wrestling with some pride and denial, we reached out to family and close friends.
We had several doctors appointments with no answers. The months were passing us by and I couldn’t grasp that we were really facing this
. I never thought I would live this
. I never thought it would happen to me. I remember always feeling so sorry for couples dealing with infertility. I couldn’t imagine the heartache they experienced. However; we eventually found ourselves sitting in front of a nice doctor at a fertility clinic with the same heartache.
I remember the first time I saw the word ‘infertility’ on our medical documents. It was like a dagger to my hopeful heart. Maybe that’s dramatic, but this word brings so much hurt, damage, and loneliness. I’ve learned it’s something you truly cannot understand unless you’ve walked in those shoes and lived it every moment of every day.
There’s really good, hopeful days and days I literally don’t know how I got out of bed. There’s moments I hear the word baby
and a lump swells up in my throat. There’s times I get out the cute little onesie I bought with excitement at the start of this adventure and tears come to my eyes. Daily, we’re having to choose joy over this battle. Infertility is a crippling struggle.
So here I am writing this post. Pouring my heart and guts out on the stinkin’ internet. Humbly, genuinely asking you to please think of us, friend. We know there will be big steps and decisions to be made. Our first desire is to stay in God’s will for our lives and secondly, to be parents to a sweet, precious, miracle baby. Please pray for us, our doctor, nurses, and others struggling with the heartache of infertility.
I believe there are times in our lives for helping carry people’s burdens and there are times for letting people carry you through. I’ve accepted this is our time to be carried. I am so thankful for the strength God has given us thus far. I’m incredibly grateful Erik is continuously speaking truth to me, encouraging me, praying for me, and leading me through this time in our lives. We’re taking this journey step by step; navigating through all the appointments, bills, and waiting as optimistic as we can. I am also very appreciative of our families and friends that have stood behind us and cheered us on every step. We literally could not do this without their motivation and love. You know who you are!
I believe God wants His children to be real with one another. Facebook, Instagram…it’s all just bits and pieces. Let us be a little more transparent. If you’re facing this or have questions about infertility, I’m here for you! Opening up to a friend is the best thing I ever did. This life isn’t a race. We’re all just walking each other “home.” Be kind, y’all. That’s why we’re here anyways. To love God, love people, and share our faith; even if it’s small as a mustard seed. Keep us in your prayers as we conquer this tough journey.
Fallon + Erik
“He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted.” Job 5:9