The Journey of Heartache, Faith, and Hope

  It’s been so long since I’ve written a post.  Forgive me if my writing is a little rusty.  There’s just something about spelling your feelings out on a blank page.  I’ve missed it.  Things have been a whirlwind for some time now. IMG_9921 I’ve learned life can’t always be planned, comfortable, and organized.  Life can sometimes be unfair and just plain hard.  Erik and I have been “sitting on the fence” about sharing a burden that’s tugged on our hearts for so long.  God has been chiseling away and we’re ready to open up in hopes you will pray for us.  Let this be a reminder: everyone is facing their own unique journey and battles.  There’s so much more to life than what you see on one another’s status updates and picture perfect moments.

Jesus said, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” Galatians 6:2

I remember when Erik and I decided we were ready for our own family.  We had enjoyed 4 years of adventures, traveling, sweet memories, and marriage.  It was such a milestone for us; feeling the eagerness to be parents together.  We prayed heavily about the decision and knew it was our time.  I was ready to be called mom and see Erik as a dad! Everything I do, I do 110%.  This would be no different.  I researched and read on average it takes 3-6 months for most couples to get a positive sign.  With my Type A personality, I began tracking everything.  3 months passed, no big deal.  6 months later, life was busy, we were traveling so often with Erik’s show schedule.  A year crept by of logging symptoms on an app, counting down the days, living “the two week wait” over and over and over again.  My heart began to get so weary and discouraged.  After wrestling with some pride and denial, we reached out to family and close friends. IMG_0039 We had several doctors appointments with no answers.  The months were passing us by and I couldn’t grasp that we were really facing this.  I never thought I would live this.  I never thought it would happen to me.  I remember always feeling so sorry for couples dealing with infertility.  I couldn’t imagine the heartache they experienced.  However; we eventually found ourselves sitting in front of a nice doctor at a fertility clinic with the same heartache. I remember the first time I saw the word ‘infertility’ on our medical documents.  It was like a dagger to my hopeful heart.  Maybe that’s dramatic, but this word brings so much hurt, damage, and loneliness.  I’ve learned it’s something you truly cannot understand unless you’ve walked in those shoes and lived it every moment of every day. IMG_0026 There’s really good, hopeful days and days I literally don’t know how I got out of bed.  There’s moments I hear the word baby and a lump swells up in my throat.  There’s times I get out the cute little onesie I bought with excitement at the start of this adventure and tears come to my eyes.  Daily, we’re having to choose joy over this battle.  Infertility is a crippling struggle. So here I am writing this post.  Pouring my heart and guts out on the stinkin’ internet.  Humbly, genuinely asking you to please think of us, friend.  We know there will be big steps and decisions to be made.  Our first desire is to stay in God’s will for our lives and secondly, to be parents to a sweet, precious, miracle baby.  Please pray for us, our doctor, nurses, and others struggling with the heartache of infertility. img_0372 I believe there are times in our lives for helping carry people’s burdens and there are times for letting people carry you through.  I’ve accepted this is our time to be carried.  I am so thankful for the strength God has given us thus far.  I’m incredibly grateful Erik is continuously speaking truth to me, encouraging me, praying for me, and leading me through this time in our lives.  We’re taking this journey step by step; navigating through all the appointments, bills, and waiting as optimistic as we can.  I am also very appreciative of our families and friends that have stood behind us and cheered us on every step.  We literally could not do this without their motivation and love.  You know who you are! IMG_0119 I believe God wants His children to be real with one another.  Facebook, Instagram…it’s all just bits and pieces.  Let us be a little more transparent.  If you’re facing this or have questions about infertility, I’m here for you!  Opening up to a friend is the best thing I ever did.  This life isn’t a race.  We’re all just walking each other “home.”  Be kind, y’all.  That’s why we’re here anyways.  To love God, love people, and share our faith; even if it’s small as a mustard seed.  Keep us in your prayers as we conquer this tough journey. Love, Fallon + Erik

“He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted.” Job 5:9

 

71 Comments on “The Journey of Heartache, Faith, and Hope

  1. Sweet girl, I think you will be a wonderful mother. I hope you find a way to be the mother you want to be. Love and prayers for your miracle baby. I could not have children, so I became a teacher… you never know what life has in store for us.

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    • Thank you so much! I never knew this. Yes ma’am. We are God’s instruments while on this earth and work according to His good. His plan is more than we can imagine. Hugs to you!

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  2. Fallon my heart ❤️ goes out to you both!! I was told if I didn’t have children before my late 20’s children would probably not be in my cards. Things have came a LONG way since I was told that 18years ago, and I have been blessed with two beautiful girls!! It will happen sweetheart, IN HIS time. Hang in there, keep doing what the Drs say and I just know he will bless y’all with a beautiful baby !! Praying 🙏🏼 for y’all!! Love you!!

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  3. Precious heart felt & faithful post! Love you guys and have my knee pads on! Remember greater is He that is in you!!

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  4. You will both make excellent parents, your time will come. I will be praying and sending all of the hugs your way. 🤗

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  5. Awww…I love this! Abundant blessings will come to you! You have the prayers and support now of many people who will read your story. You are strong!! Keep the faith and in the name of Jesus our Savior, my prayers are that soon he will give you the desires of your heart as you have served Him faithfully!! Love and blessings, Fallon and Erik!!

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  6. Praying you will get your little bundle of blessings soon. You two will be great parents!!

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  7. You both will make wonderful parents. You have so much love to give and GOD will bless you with a child. He will show y’all his plans for you and Erik. Dont get discouraged.

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  8. Can’t wait to see God hand move and see and meet your little blessing. God is faithful. ❤️🙏

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  9. Beautiful words sweet girl. I’ll be praying for you, Erik and your future child 💕💙 God has always had a plan for y’all xo

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  10. I will be praying for you all and God will not give you anything you cannot handle. Please keep your faith and try not to get frustrated for there are so many options and your path has been chosen and you will be the best at what your creator has planned for you 😘😘😘

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  11. Praying for you and Erick. Our God is a Mighty , Glorious , Wonderful God. He hears our prayers and His timing is perfect. , God hears you believe

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  12. Love and prayers, I know God will give you a precious baby.🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼❤️❤️

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  13. Oh Fallon you and Eric will be GOD’s Gift to a precious baby in his time . Stay close to his will and your faith. I pray that blessings on y’all. Everybody as you said have their own fears and struggles to face but believe me with your faith you will get through this. In my prayers .

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  14. Prayers for you and your husband on this rough journey but I have no doubt that it will happen in gods time and you both will be extremely great parents! All the prayers

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  15. I have been in your shoes. After years of doctors, medicine and needles, I was finally going to have a baby through IUI. I found out only a few weeks later that it was tuberculosis. The heartache was almost unbearable. We then began the process of IVF. It seemed like it would take forever because with each month you had to wait for different testing and a new cycle etc. To shorten my story, I have two beautiful daughters, 15 and 10, who were both conceived through IVF. While we went through lots of disappointments, frustrations and $$$, I wouldn’t trade our experience for the world. It was truly all in God’s timing and while you are going through this experience it’s hard to see and understand. Only he sees and knows our future. I will be praying for you both. Enjoy your journey no matter where it takes you.

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    • So thankful God blessed you with your two miracles! I cannot imagine how that must strengthen your faith! We are trying to stick with it. I know we will have a happy ending! Thank you for sharing this.

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  16. I will be praying for you guys. I know first-hand how hard it is to deal with infertility. We just kept trying and believing that it would all work out in the end. And then, a few years later, I was pregnant. It sounds like you are in the right mindset. Just keep having faith and God will grace you guys with a little one. Xoxo

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    • That is awesome, Joanna! So happy for you and your miracle! God always shows up when we least expect it. I know His plan is better than anything we can imagine. Keeping the faith and having grace with myself in the meantime.

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    • Prayers been where you are and know those heartaches..
      God will give you the desires of your heart…love you aunt lib and uncle wesley

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  17. Prayers for you Fallon and Erik. Josh and I have been going through the same struggle. I bought a $100 swing when we first started to have a baby. I hate the sight of seeing it because I just break down. He has none of his own so I feel like a disappointment to him. I hate when people say “it’s just not your time yet”. This month makes month 12 for us of traking periods, ovulations, basal temps and other things. It’s so heart breaking. Our doctor is giving us until feb 1st and if no positive test then we will also be making a journey to coastal Fertility Specialists. Praying that your journey will soon come to a big positive.

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    • I understand. It is a daily struggle to live. We have to have grace with ourselves on the hard days where we find ourselves tired and discouraged and look for all the good because there’s always something to be thankful for. Look at that swing as a sign of hope! God will give you the desires of your heart and I know you bought that with a hopeful heart! I keep buying stuff and it helps my heart. Believing one day I’ll be holding our miracle! Coastal Fertility has been wonderful and y’all will love them if you make it there. You’ll be in good hands. Thinking of y’all too!

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  18. Fallon keep your faith. I was married 19 years and 10 months before my son was born. When we were married 12 years the doctors told us we would never have a child.We went to doctors as far as GeorgiaI know exactly about going threw infertility. I loved everybody else children that I am thankful they shared we us. I just kept saying if God wanted us to have children he would give them to us. Our miracle is 24 and will soon been a State Trooper. We have so many children that were not ours but we love them so much. Shirley Floyd can tell you about me we have been close friends for years.Keep your faith and give it to God.

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  19. Grandmother and granddaddy know you would be very good parents. As you continue to pray for God’s will and all your family and friends are praying you will be alright. Love you.

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  20. O sweet girl! I hate that you and Erik are going through this but I am so proud of you for not being afraid to speak about what you are going through. Let God to continue to carry you. I promise it’s not always easy but God ALWAYS knows when we need him the most. In his time, you and I will both have the desires of our hearts! I love you!!

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    • Thank you sweet friend!! You’ve been there with me through the tough days. I appreciate your encouragement, always! You’re right, we’re gonna be the best mamas ever!!!! I can’t wait for that day! Love you.

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  21. I will be praying for both of you through your journey. It will all work out in God’s time.

    Love ya’ll.

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  22. FAllon, you and Erik will be great parents! Keep your faith and be true to God and faithful to His house! Remember Psalms 37:4

    Love you,

    Glenda Johnson

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  23. Fallon, I don’t know you but I have been in your shoes. Same thing going to doctors, no answers, going through a couple of fertility treatments with no results but After 12 years of marriage God answered in his own way and time. There was a beautiful little baby girl that needed a home and we needed her too. She has been the biggest blessing to us. I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m so thankful for Gods plan for us. He did it better than I ever could. She is 17 now and has been the joy of our lives. I will be keeping you and your husband in my prayers. I know God’s got something great planned for y’all

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    • Thank you for your testimony! Every single one encourages us! God’s plan is always best and I know He’s working for our good! Merry Christmas to yours!

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  24. Fallon, I love you! You will be in my prayers! Benjamin and I walked this same path. It’s a heartbreaking roller coaster ride! I wouldn’t even go to baby showers. I wish I had all the money back from the pregnancy tests I bought each month. Lol. I am not going to tell you it will happen, cause I got tired of hearing that too. None of us know what the future holds for you and Erik, but I do know who holds it and I promise you, HIS will be done!

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  25. Good luck on your personal journey. You are not alone in this many others have travelt this path, trust in the Lord to lead you in his timing. Over the past few years good friends of mine went through this process, in the end, after many stuggles they decided to adopt, and and are now blessed with a precious little boy. God will guide you on your journey may he be you in the days ahead. You and Erik will be great parents, and your little blessing will be a great future cowboy or girl,,🤠🙏

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